Davy Crockett and the River Pirates

Davy Crockett and the Improved in Every Way

What's it about?

Tonight's nostalgic pic is "Davy Crockett and the River Pirates" (Disney, 1956). We join frontiersman Davy Crockett (Fess Parker) and his brother-in-arms George Russel (Buddy Ebsen) during a trapping expedition in Kentucky in the spring of 1810. Loaded with as many animal skins as they carry, they plan to hire a river boat to take them to New Orleans to get top dollar for their wares.

"Try not to screw this up too, will ya, Georgie?" "Okay, Davy."

When they reach the port of Maysville on the Ohio River, they meet the boisterous and rude giant of a man Mike Fink (Jeff York), captain of the Gullywhumper out of Pittsburgh, who declares himself loudly (and often) that he's "king of the river."

The Gullywhumper cometh.

"A $1000? We could almost buy our own ship for that!" "But who's going to pilot it? You?"

When Fink offers Davy and George passage to New Orleans for $1000 (an astronomical sum at the time), the duo opt instead to enlist the aid of the elderly Captain Cobb (Clim Blevans) of the Bertha Mae who is in need of the crew.

Captain "Cornonna" Cobb.

It turns out that "Injuns" downriver have been attacking river boats ruthlessly, and very few are willing to risk their lives. While the two try to round up able bodies for Cobb, George accidentally attempts to enlist one of Fink's boatmen. This leads to an impromptu drinking contest where the lightweight George bets the furs that he and Davy will make it to New Orleans before Fink and his crew.

Also, he rides a wagon wheel chandelier, which I found quite funny.

The two boats begin a head-to-head race where the wily Mike Fink uses every dirty trick in the book, but can he beat Davy Crockett with his determination, level-headedness, and kindness?

What a strange race.

Can the two crews defeat the notorious pirates that are plaguing the river?

Prob'ly.

Disney: Not leaving money on the table since 1955.

This semi-prequel takes place in between the events of the first film, "Davy Crockett: King of the Wild Frontier" (Disney, 1955), which was necessary, because Disney rather shortsightedly ended that film with Davy Crockett's death at the Alamo as the show's popularity blew up. Similar to the previous film, this is a composite of footage from the last two episodes of the Davy Crockett television show (specifically, "The Wonderful World of Disney Presents Davy Crockett's Keelboat Race" and "Davy Crockett and the River Pirates"). Perhaps because it limits the scope of the story it is telling, it seems a bit more cohesive and less rambling than the other movie.

Also, the action scenes are far less "bad fight choreography" and more "man v. the elements."

The first half of the film focuses on the race between the Gullywhumper and the Bertha Mae, and after that is resolved the second half focuses on Davy and Mike Fink combining resources to stop the pirates who are masquerading as Native Americans to prevent a war between the colonists and the indigenous people.

Cultural appropriation at its worst.

Better than the last one.

Between the two films, I prefer this one. It's storytelling focus, while a bit more formulaic, nonetheless allows for more character development. Mike Fink gets a pretty good redemption arc, going from cheating villain to endearing friend by the end of the movie.

"All is forgiven, Davy." "Uhhhhhhhhh... Okay, Mike."

Buddy Ebsen's George Russel is a more effective comedic foil than in the first film, and even Fess Parker is considerably more relaxed as Davy isn't required to be quite as wooden and stoic in this iteration. The river pirates themselves are so unabashedly evil that it is really satisfying seeing the films heroes take them down for their misdeeds.

"And after we kill Fink's crew, we'll skin puppies to make coats!"

There is a surprising amount of singing for a "western" adventure film, including songs sung by Jeff York (as Mike Fink) and a few by Buddy Ebsen. They serve to show the viewer that this is a far more lighthearted tale than the first film, and so I welcome them.

Typical then, problematic now.

Be warned though, there are a lot of film and television staples from the time that are disgustingly present in this production. The most glaring is the representation of Native Americans; although they are not portrayed as the villains, they are still portrayed as stereotypes played by lily white actors pretending to be tribesmen.

"Why are you guys painted red?"

Sharp-eyed viewers will notice that one or two characters in particular are quite literally painted red. There are no other minorities represented or acknowledged, and I'm struggling to remember if there are even any women in the film at all (there certainly aren't any female main characters). If you're looking for diversity in film, this isn't it.

"An' iff'n yew's a Republican, it is!"

This film also continues Walt Disney Studio's use of stock footage to depict natural threats, and it's always tiresome to see.

"Watch out Davy! There's a gator over there in that other lighting scheme and film grain!" 

Watch with kids with caution.

If you're watching with kids, there are a few things you should know: While there's no foul language in the film, the first half depicts Mike Fink as an unrepentant bully who solves many of his problems with threats, intimidation, and his fists. While the second half shows him as a fast friend and stalwart companion won over by Davy's good sportsmanship and kindness, it could trigger children suffering from this sort of abusive trauma in their lives.

Real life bullies are far less likeable than Mike Fink.

There is some (bloodless) gunplay in the film, and lots of implied murder, and on-screen deaths (again, bloodless) of the very bad characters, so if you're trying to limit this sort of media just be aware.

There is a lot of implied murder, actually.

A bit of after-film trivia

Apparently, all of the prop boats used in the film were later used at Disneyland to ferry park visitors through parts of the park, and remained in operation until 1997, when the Gullywhumper capsized injuring several patrons. After closing, the Bertha Mae was sold to a private collector and the Gullywhumper was moored as a background prop before it eventually sunk from a combination of bad weather and disrepair and was removed.

Where can you watch it?

"Davy Crockett and the River Pirates" is currently streaming on Disney+.

The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean

Paul Newman's favorite role, for your consideration

The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean

What's it about?

Tonight's nostalgic pic is "The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean" (First Artists, 1972). Roy Bean (Paul Newman) isn't a bad man by his own account, despite being a wanted criminal on the lam. When he stops in the wastelands of Texas for a drink at a run-down brothel, he recounts his most recent successful criminal enterprise, which the patrons respond to by beating him within an inch of his life, robbing him, putting a noose around his neck and letting his horse drag him into the desert.

Honestly, what did he think would happen?

Unfortunately for them, the rope breaks. Looked after by a local girl, Roy Bean asks for his gun, which she brings to him. After unleashing his fury upon those who wronged him, the newly reborn Bean decides that he's going to bring law and order to the west… At the end of a rope.

The lounge arm of the law.

The rest of the film follows "Judge" Roy Bean as he uses his loose interpretation of the law to bring justice to the streets of the town of Vinegaroon, all the while amassing a personal fortune for himself and his marshals ("reformed" criminals that he deputizes) as well as a large graveyard outside of town.

The marshals and their "justly" gotten gains.

Soon, Vinegaroon is prospering, a safe haven for law-abiding citizens and a scourge criminals across the west, all while he professes his love to his never-seen amore, stage performer Miss Lilly Langtry (Ava Gardner).

Bean's real love, Lilly Langtry.

We watch as various characters speak of their interactions with Roy Bean. We see him dispense justice, fall in love, adopt a bear, experience tragedy and loss, and come back in heroic fashion.

Falling in love... with a bear.

Some background on the film

This long-forgotten western was written by prominent screenwriter John Milius and directed by Hollywood legend John Huston (who also has a cameo in the film as "Grizzly" Adams). It's a peculiar blend of goofy hayseed sensibilities, old west gunplay, and gallows humor.

Literal. Gallows. Humor.

It's a highly fictionalized version of the life of real Justice of the Peace Roy Bean, who was the original progenitor of the "hanging judge" stereotype. I need to stress that most of this film's narrative is manufactured, particularly the invention of antagonist Frank Gass (Roddy McDowall), whose name is a both an obvious metaphor for the Texas oil industry as well as a well-hidden verbal joke (after Bean's there is Gass).

"What are you trying to pass, Gass?"

A diamond in the rough

From a technical aspect, this film is a bit lacking, but it's really just a hallmark of lower budget films of the time. The lighting is off in many scenes, resulting in dark foregrounds in front of backlighting, and it's obviously not a stylistic choice.

Backlit shots; not necessarily a style.

The audio is uneven, and is quite quiet in certain spots, much of it on-set recording rather than ADR. There's not a lot of action, and the dialog isn't especially punchy, but if you pay attention it's very rewarding and provides a lot of character.

A bit adult in tone

Please note that this is a hard PG film. There's a lot of death, but not a lot of blood and gore. There isn't a lot of swearing, but there are a few derogatory racial slurs without much minority representation. While this is typical "of the time," I'm just throwing it out there so that if you're interested it doesn't catch you off guard.

This scene uses the "N" word multiple times.

My thoughts

I love this movie, and I'm not alone: This was allegedly Paul Newman's favorite role. Roy Bean is a complex antihero, but he's also trying to be just and right. He's flawed but trying to be pious and the conflict therein is a joy to watch.

You get to see the town rise and fall with Bean.

There's a lot of cameos from various 70s character actors of the time, sometimes playing allies, but usually playing the victims of Roy Bean's judgement.

I honestly didn't recognize Stacey "Mike Hammer" Keach as "Bad Bob"

There's genuine love that develops between Bean and his ward Maria Elena (Victoria Principal) and their pet bear.

The bear is a delight in every scene.

There are a few genuine moments in this film that I will not hesitate to admit make me cry. The passing of Roy Bean into legend is heartfelt and the "heroes' last stand" moment near the end of the film is fantastic, even if it has very little to do with the actual man the movie is based on.

Humor and tragedy go hand-in-hand.

Where can you find it?

"The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean" is streaming on… nothing. Well… It's available on VHS (where I first watched it), on DVD and even on Blu-ray, but you'd be hard pressed to find it in stores. I found it for rent and purchase on Amazon Prime, but honestly I don't see much benefit in getting it in high-definition (the audio is mono anyway). If you're interested, watch it any way you can.

The Adventures of Bullwhip Griffin

Grab your bullwhip, tip your gryphon.

What's it about?

Tonight's nostalgia pic is "The Adventures of Bullwhip Griffin" (Disney, 1967). When the Flagg family's patriarch and the grandfather of Arabella (Suzanne Pleshette) and her brother Jack (Bryan Russell) dies unexpectedly, he leaves a generous amount of his vast fortune to his housekeeping staff including his mild-mannered butler, Eric Griffin (played charmingly by Roddie McDowall).

This is the face of adventure, folks!

There's just one problem: His fortune was long since secretly depleted, leaving the survivors in utter poverty. Regaled with tales of "Bullwhip Brannigan" and his pulp novel adventures of the gold rush west, young Jack runs away to seek his fortune. Griffin promises Arabella that he will bring Jack back, and tracks him to a ship bound for San Francisco.

The blue-eyed love interest, Arabella.

Jack stows away on a ship bound or San Francisco Bay.

Jack has met British actor Quentin Bartlett (Richard Haydn), who is being shadowed by an unknown person seeking his map to the "mother lode," a vein of gold that would lead to obscene wealth.

How did an unemployed actor wind up with a treasure map? Keep wondering.

After mistakenly assaulting Griffin and accidentally stranding him on the departing ship, Bartlett offers Griffin and Jack partnership in return for their aid in evading his mysterious assailant, who turns out to be "Judge" Higgins (Karl Malden), a devious thief and conman.

We are introduced to Judge Higgins.

The rest of the movie follows the adventures of Griffin and Jack as they make their way across the west, alternatively in pursuit of and being pursued by the identity-switching Judge Higgins while seeking the mother lode.

Stage coach robbery (before highway robbery was invented, probably).

Along the way they will become embroiled in the bustle of the booming city of San Francisco, find and lose fortunes, make new enemies, and build the legend of "Bullwhip Griffin."

Bullwhip and Jack pursue Judge Higgins.

Some details

This is a mostly forgotten comedy western that is similar to but predates films like "Support Your Local Sheriff!" and Disney's own "The Apple Dumpling Gang." Unlike many previous comedy western films, this movie embraces absurdist tropes of 60s cinema, including cartoonish scene transitions, comedically sped-up action sequences, and ridiculous visual gags; they really come out in the bare-knuckle boxing match between Griffin and the Golden Nugget Saloon's bouncer "Mountain Ox" (Mike Mazurki).

Most of the movie's action is reserved for this sequence.

Seems more like a giant spoiled three-year-old than an actual villain.

The movie absolutely doesn't take itself seriously.

Karl Malden's Judge Higgins is less of a sinister villain and more of a comedic foil for the heroes, with an array of ridiculous disguises and ludicrous excuses for his villainy.

Wherever gold teeth can be pulled, Judge Higgins will be there!

Wherever a buck can be made, Judge Higgins will be there!

Less lovable is Harry Guardino, who perfectly portrays sleezy saloon owner Sam Trimble, arguably the real villain of the movie.

Capitalist Sam Trimble (left): The film's real villain?

My thoughts

I really liked this movie. McDowall makes an unlikely leading man; Griffin is honorable, steadfast, clever, and friendly while remaining meek and humble. The villains act as more obstacles than outright evil, while even an ill-tempered monster like the witless Mountain Ox can be redeemed by the end.

His ludicrous strength on display, Mountain Ox lifts Griffin by his... Cummerbund?

The drawn title sequences and occasional transitions enhance the comic nature, and the goofy elements transform what could have been a mean-spirited bloody affair into a family-friendly journey that while short on action is high on charm.

Griffin is green with envy.

Spoilers: "Of the time" usually means "racist"

Please note that the version I reviewed is NOT the original cut of the film. There are some pretty culturally insensitive references sprinkled throughout the film, and the current streaming version uses truncated cuts and alternative ADR to soften the blow. Judge Higgins disguising himself as a Chinese immigrant is one of the worst offenders, so please be aware that stuff like this is in the film and should be discussed with family members who might be more impressionable.

At least he's playing a white man pretending to be Asian, and not the usual "white man cast as Asian" *sigh*

Where can you watch it?

"The Adventures of Bullwhip Griffin" predates modern content ratings, but I would say that it is a solid "PG" movie, with threats of violence, depictions of alcohol and tobacco use, gunshots without any actual death, and absolutely no swearing or nudity. It is currently streaming on Disney+.

The Apple Dumpling Gang -- Not what you expect

That fondly remembered comedic duo: Bixby and Clark

Cute font, though.

The basics:

Tonight's Nostalgia pic is "The Apple Dumpling Gang" (Disney, 1975). When professional gambler Russel Donavan (Bill Bixby, who old-timers will know from his television show "The Magician," AND NOTHING ELSE, EVER) comes to the waning western boomtown Quake City (named for the earthquakes that trouble the small fault line straddling town), he is almost waylaid by the "Hashknife Outfit," consisting of Theodore Ogelvie (Don Knotts) and Amos Tucker (Tim Conway), who almost hold him up and almost rob him… Only to be beaten by their own incompetence. 

Pictured: Magical magician man.

While playing and not doing particularly well in the local poker game, Donavan is approached by local ne'er do-well John Wintle (Don Knight), who convinces the naïve Donavan to pick up some goods for him while he takes a trip to San Francisco. 

Poker faces.

When Donavan shows up the next day, he discovers that the "items" are three children: Bobby Bradley (Clay O'Brien), Clovis Bradley (Brad Savage), and their sister Celia (Stacy Manning), whose parents have passed away and were being sent to Wintle who is their legal guardian by blood. 

Burdensome? Some burdens.

Now stuck with guardianship of the children by the local sheriff, judge, justice of the peace, and barber (all the same person), Homer McCoy (played by the always delightful Harry Morgan), Donavan must stop his plans to start a casino in the city to take care of the orphans. When the plucky kids find a giant gold and jewel-encrusted nugget after nearly dying in a cave-in at their inherited mine, they become the target of shady opportunistic townspeople, their recently returned uncle John, the Hashknife Outfit, and the much more competent criminal Frank Stillwell (Slim Pickens, professional cowpoke) and his gang.

At least showing the kids almost dying MIGHT prevent actual kids from playing in old mines.

Will Donavan do right by the children, or will he flee from his obligation?

And this giant gold nugget?

Expectation versus reality:

The first thing that most people remember about this film is that it's the first collaboration between Don Knotts and Tim Conway, and while their antics do take up a considerable amount of the movie's runtime it is important to note that they are not the focus of the film. 

Even the bloody shootout scene is funny!

When they team up with the kids near the end of the film, the five collaborators are collectively known as "The Apple Dumpling Gang," a moniker the kids choose because of their love of apple dumplings. The main focus of the film is on Bill Bixby's Donavan, his love interest Magnolia "Dusty" Clydesdale (played by the tomboyishly stunning Susan Clark), and their interaction with the children. 

Pictured: The most masculine character in the film, played by Susan Clark.

But you know what? It works, and it works well. This film is extremely comedic with some action elements thrown in, such as a burning stagecoach chase by a fire department wagon, a fistfight on a moving wagon later in the film which continues even after said wagon goes into the whitewater rapids of a conjoining river. 

It's weird seeing the lovable Slim Pickens playing a conniving villain, but he does a great job.

Bad grampa.

My thoughts:

This film is a great embodiment of what made Walt Disney Studio's 70s movies so interesting: It's certainly cheesy, but it's also family-friendly fun, with interesting characters, somewhat goofy special effects, and a comedic take on the western genre (which they pioneered with "Davy Crockett and the River Pirates," expanded with "The Adventures of Bullwhip Griffin" and would revisit later with "The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again"). I enjoyed it, and it's absolutely kid-friendly, but would kids today like it? I'm going to say… probably not.

"You darned kids and your CGI!"

Look, I know some modern kids, and I'm just not sure that they'd be that invested in a film that puts story and slapstick comedy over something with loud noises, computer graphics, and modern celebrities… but you never know. Give it a shot if you're feeling nostalgic, and maybe the kids will have a good time too!

Dodo birds on a wire.

Where can I find it?

"The Apple Dumpling Gang" is currently streaming on Disney+.