Friday, November 20, 2009

Bait and switch.

So, last week (when I was still employed) I was in The Exchange store on McKnight road when I saw that they had reduced the prices of all of their HD DVDs to around $5 each.  Being one of the few people in existence to actually own an HD DVD player, but not quite having the money to buy a huge variety of media for it, I decided to get just one to add to my admittedly small collection while the discs were still available.  The movie I decided on was Payback starring Mel Gibson.

For those not in the know, Payback is a 1999 crime drama/black comedy starring Gibson as the antihero who is only ever referred to as "Porter."  It's basically about the character's betrayal by those closest to him, and his survival and revenge as he seeks to get back the money that he views as rightfully his.  It's dark, but still manages to be funny and intense.  All around it was a pretty good movie, a complete package.  I was looking forward to sharing it with my friends, and it wasn't until I got it home until I noticed the words "Straight Up: the Director's Cut" on the box.

I thought, "What could they possibly change?  This probably adds additional footage, ala The Lord of the Rings, and that was awesome!"  Now, It had been years since I last saw the theatrical version, so I didn't really even notice any changes until about halfway through the movie, but upon reflection they had changed the beginning too.  There is no explanation as to how Porter survived being shot in the back in this version, and there is no voice-over to walk the audience through the setup.  It's pretty straightforward anyway, but the Mel Gibson narration in the original saved the characters from having to explain the obvious to each other during the film, which was curiously put back in; it just seems forced.  The Porter in this version of the film is a much less likable guy too, as director Brian Helgeland filmed a rather wincing scene of spousal abuse (though admittedly, Porter's wife had it coming) that was thankfully absent in the theatrical version.  I didn't mind its inclusion so much, I expected extra scenes.  What I didn't expect though was the completely different ending to the film.  Fans of the original might be surprised to discover that the original "Director's Cut" of the film didn't score well with audiences, but Helgeland, in trying to remain true to the inspiration for the movie (the book The Hunter by Donal Westlake) refused to make any changes, and then left the production (as shown in the "special features" of this disk), and John Myhre and Mel Gibson took over the film and made it watchable.

Now, I'm not some film elitist (I personally think that 2001: A Space Odyssey was the one of the dullest and at the same time most confusing films I've ever seen, and I encourage people not to watch it), but neither do I like when a movie is just the equivalent of Hollywood masturbating (Lethal Weapons 3 and 4 fall into that category, for you Gibson fans).  Payback was a romp in film noir in the style of 30s gangster action at a time when everyone else was trying to emulate Quentin Tarentino (don't get me wrong, I like Tarentino too, but only Tarentino is Tarentino).  The point here is that it was really kind of an homage, but kind of original in its own right.  The original director's version though, is the kind of snobbish artistic crime drama that equates to "If you don't like it, it's because you don't understand it" crap that's found in too many independent films nowadays, and has very little business being in a studio production.

It's not that the film's original ending is bad, mind you, it's just that the changes to the end will leave the viewer extremely unsatisfied in that "crime does not pay" sort of way.  You want Porter to succeed, but even the studio realized that he needed something worth fighting for.  In the original film the driving point was the principal of the situation: at one point in the movie he needed closure not just to the money that was owed to him by Val Resnick and the Outfit, but also to protect Rosie, the (cliche even by Hollywood standards) "prostitute with a heart of gold."  In this director's cut of the film, I found myself questioning why Rosie was even with Porter at the end.  The theatrical release's "boss" villain, Bronson, was played by Kris Kristofferson, but was originally supposed to be a faceless woman's voice on the phone.  You are never explicitly shown her, though porter is undone by a woman in the end, which most audiences will naturally assume to be Bronson.  The while omission of Kristofferson is obvious given the change in tone of the film, there is a criminal misuse of James Coburn - he's still in the movie, but his role is reduced to simply calling the Bronson character.

The theatrical version of Payback had a very satisfying ending, with the "bad" criminals of the film getting their comeuppance through their own machinations; Porter gets his money, gets the girl, and only gets maimed for his trouble.  The director's cut version is far less so; Porter's scheme ends in a far more realistic way, but the ending still manages to be ambiguous.  It leaves you feeling empty as the tone of the second act of the film regresses into an action-less, humorless, shell of a third act.  I'm sure that film students all over will praise it for it's thoughtful foreshadowing and metaphor, while the rest of us just scratch our heads and wonder how a movie studio that produces regularly produces films like Transformers Revenge of the Fallen and Hotel For Dogs can make a movie more enjoyable than the guy who wrote Man on Fire and directed A Knight's Tale (all right, so I like that movie, but I'm not alone!).

Payback Straight Up: The Director's Cut is simply the most disappointing director's cut I've ever seen, right after Blade Runner.  Please, please, if you have fond memories of the original, skip this watered down and ill-conceived version.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Just a test.

I'm blogging from my phone! In a bathroom no less! But not on company time!

Seriously though - I'm just testing it to see if it works.

Later, y'all!

Monday, October 12, 2009

An inconvenient truth

Let us petition the United States Government to rename Columbus Day as National Inconvenience Day. The reasons for doing so are numerous:

1.) It is a well-known scientific and historical fact that Christopher Columbus did NOT discover the American continent. The Vikings discovered it and attempted to colonize it almost 400 years earlier. Columbus himself died thinking that he had found India, and he never even set foot on the mainland. From the evidence we have, it seems Columbus was lucky his ships didn't sink and his entire crew drowned the moment they left the dock. The man was an idiot; brave, but stupid.

2.) Who gets Columbus Day off? Postal workers and bank employees (i.e., no one that you or I know). Like every other stupid fly-by-night holiday, the only ones who benefit from time off are the ones who handle your money and deliver your post. The only thing this accomplishes is that I can't mail letters or get coins to do laundry. Granted, this is becoming less of a problem in the electronic age, but it still annoys the piss out of me.

3.) Who benefits from Columbus Day? The only people I can think of are people who are thinking about buying furniture and people who are re-flooring their kitchen. I haven't even seen ads this year for a J.C. Penny Columbus Day sale, which makes me think that they've given up (I mean, who has time to shop there when we're all at work?).

So to sum up, we're celebrating the non-discovery of a continent via Caribbean islands by a jackass who didn't even know where he was, and we do this by closing our financial and money-handling businesses while we still shuffle ourselves to work thereby handicapping our ability to get things done and making it harder to get money to buy the furniture that we don't need that's on sale.

What was the point of this holiday again?  If you're going to declare a holiday just for the sake of having one, at least give everyone else the day off (firemen and policemen not withstanding) instead of giving it to a few services that the rest of us rely upon to get through our day (if everyone had it off, there'd be no need for those services anyway).  All it does otherwise is to seed unrest, like the mockery Labor Day has become (you know what I'm talking about: how managers and executives get Labor Day off but the peons that it was created to celebrate still have to work so that these high-paid a-holes can still go shopping and eating out on their day off).

Sack up, America!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Darwin's Darkest Hour

I just watched this "very special movie presentation" on PBS which was produced by Nova and National Geographic and called Darwin's Darkest Hour.  It dealt with Charles Darwin and his struggle to get his ideas published as original while being austricised by the still very church-centric public.  Darwin never claimed that there was no God, he just believed Christianity to be the wrong path, and this gave the media at the time enough fodder to demonize him.


Despite the drama involved, I only came away with one thought...

This is Charles Darwin when the film takes place:


This is the actor they hired to play Darwin, Henry Ian Cusick :

 


Notice a difference?

Being a bald, ugly (though admittedly not as smart) man like Charles Darwin, I take exception to this representation.  You can't tell me they couldn't have hired a bald actor or (heaven forbid) shaved Cusick's head for some semblance of historical accuracy.


I know that bald isn't sexy, but WE'RE TALKING ABOUT CHARLES FREAKIN' DARWIN HERE!  Sexy shouldn't factor into it!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

The Cleveland Show

I'm not the biggest fan of Family Guy or American Dad, Seth McFarlane's popular animated shows on Fox.  My favorite animated Fox shows were the Simpsons (for the nostalgic remembrance of when the show was really good) and King of the Hill, which is the most consistently good show on the network.  Now that King of the Hill has been canceled, Fox has decided to replace it with The Cleveland Show, and the premiere was tonight.

Half an hour of the least interesting, most boring television I have ever seen.  Not one chuckle.  Besides Cleveland being one of the least interesting characters on Family Guy I don't see how the brass at Fox figured he could hold his own show, especially with such a derivative supporting cast.

I won't be watching it again.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Did I mention that I hate it when I'm right?

Good thing it doesn't happen very often.  Too bad tonight is one of those nights.


More riots in Oakland (follow link)

Blogfest 09?

Wow.

I've never added so many posts in so little amount of time, but things are just really happening around here.

First, the news vans showed up:


Then the news helicopters:

Then the police:

Then city maintenance trucks carrying newspaper vending machines:

Then the protesters showed up:

In their hippie-mobiles:

Now, it's not that I entirely disagree with the protesters - I don't.  There is a truth to the belief that the leaders of the world's economy are just backstabbing money-grubbing greed-mongers who relish in hobnobbing with the world's rich by keeping the poor in their perceived place.  I do feel that holding protests (violent or otherwise) only seeks to stroke the ego of the protesters.  You see, the people in charge only take notice when you beat them at their own game.  If all you're doing to change the world is chanting and waving a sign because you spent the last twenty years too strung out on hemp and a vegan diet to be able to fight and think about anything more constructive to do in the name of world equality, then you kind of deserve it when the communist leaders you elected forcibly take your land and send you to the slave mines.


And for you right-wing young republican types, even hippies need to use the bathroom:

You're more alike than you think!