Backblog: June 5th, 2008. Break in.

Let's recap the last two weeks:

1. My employer didn't pay me what they owed me for going out of town, after they had said that we were done going out of town.
2. I went out of town again, got two new chips in my windshield.
3. They wanted me to go out of town again.
4. I decided to quit my job, not just because of all of the deceipt and incompetance, but also because I was having nightmares about having to go back.
5. I got a speeding ticket in Jamestown, NY, which I can't really fight because I can't afford to drive there.
6. My former employers at the mortgage recording company, aren't returning my calls, even though they had expressed interest in having me back.

All caught up? Good.

Somebody broke into my car today. They didn't just scratch the door and jimmy the lock, they smashed the passenger side window. This was in Oakland this afternoon. They stole my 10-year-old Garmin Legend GPS, a case of burned MP3 CD's, and my owner's manual (I can't even begin to guess what they wanted with that). They also went through my art portfolio and dumped my pencil box out, but didn't seem to take anything from there (which of course, means that I couldn't even give my drawings away). They left the CD's in my visor, left my glasses, my electronic tire guage, the money that I had in my ashtray and the hundreds of dollars in tools that I had behind the back seat in my little "trunk" area.

It's going to cost me $250 to have the window repaired, as I reported it on my insurance (my deductible). That's the biggest blow. I am (supposed) to be getting one last big paycheck from The Beam Team, and now ALL of that will be gone as soon as I pay my rent, my utilities, the speeding ticket and whatever else I owe people.

I just can't win. I wish that it wasn't some random theif. I wish that I could just get mugged by somebody with a gun so that they could shoot me and get this hell of a life over with.

Everywhere I've worked, I mean EVERYWHERE I've ever worked they've lost my paycheck at least once (Blair did it to me several times, when I changed departments). Every time I try to better myself and learn something, somebody always manages to pull me down by making me spend money on materials I don't need, asking me to invest time I don't have and to lose sleep that I've already lost. The correspondence course I took back in '95 sent me the wrong materials, for a completely different course, and never sent me the right ones even after I wrote and called them about it.

I mean, what am I doing wrong? My grades in school seem to indicate that I'm reasonably intelligent. I rarely drink, I've never done drugs, and by anybody's account I'm a pretty hard worker. Once, long ago, I even tried being nice and understanding to people (which led to people shunning me). Why do I keep failing? WHY DOES THIS SHIT KEEP HAPPENING TO ME? Is it because I'm ugly? Because I can't change that.

It might be awhile before I post anything here again. I'm not feeling too happy at the moment.